I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You
by SirPapillon
Summary: McGee, alone with his thoughts, sits alone in a bar, when he sees Ziva. Mostly McGee thoughts. SongFic to "I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You" by Tom Waits. McGiva UST


**So this is my first shot at a songfic. The song is "I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You" by Tom Waits. I hope you like it! Reviews and constructive criticism are welcome (as this is my first songfic). I Highly recommend listening to the song to get the tone and emotions of what I'm going for with this.**

**Much love and enjoy!**

* * *

><p>McGee sits alone at a high top table in a dimly lit corner of a smokey dive bar. It had been a particularly stressful week at NCIS, and he simply needed to unwind on this much needed Friday night. He, Tony, and Ziva had been subject to Gibbs' unpleasant demeanor, and for some reason, for all of them, this week seemed to be worse than others. McGee slowly swirls his dark stout, then takes a sip. As he looks up through the cloud of cigarette smoke, his brow furrows as he sees someone he recognizes dejectedly approach the far end of the bar. Even through the hazy atmosphere, he can see the stress on Ziva's face. He cocks his head slightly, wondering why she would choose this tired old dive bar instead of the other more upscale establishments close by. As he watches her wait for her drink, he feels a fluttering in his stomach; one that he's been suppressing for years...<p>

**_"Well I hope that I don't fall in love with you_**

**_'Cause falling in love just makes me blue,_**

**_Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see,_**

**_I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me_**

**_And I hope that I don't fall in love with you."_**

As he watches her, he plays out scenarios in his mind, but quickly stuffs them back deep inside his heart. He had always thought that he and Ziva would make a great couple, but knows how it would end up. She'd tell him how she loves him 'as a friend or brother', and he'd end up heartbroken. Again. They had gotten closer over the years, but love always seemed to be something that left the man blue. He thinks back at how he's hit a rough patch when it comes to dating, and how Ziva would probably turn out the same. He'd get too close, get too attached, fall in love too fast, and she'd back off. No, he'd given up on love long ago. Those who he'd dated either burned him, were crazy, or got killed. The curse of McGee's love life.

On the jukebox, an old sounding static filled song begins to play, and the wandering guitar notes begin to pick through the air. The man singing has a rough voice, but sings beautifully. It's a voice that sounds like it's been dipped in bourbon and smoked two packs a day. And yet, it's perfect. McGee can see Ziva take a seat at the bar by herself as she stares into her glass. McGee can barely count on one hand the times where he saw Ziva expose her emotions, and he's in awe at how, amongst so many people, she is appearing vulnerable. Maybe it's because here, no one knows her name. Or so she thinks.

In his troubled, lovesick mind, he feels that she knows he's there, and is showing him her soft side. Maybe she's beckoning him to come to her, to hold her, to kiss her, and to comfort her. Or maybe not.

**_"Well the room is crowded, people everywhere_**

**_And I wonder, should I offer you a chair?_**

**_Well if you sit down with this old clown, take that frown and break it,_**

**_Before the evening's gone away, I think that we could make it,_**

**_And I hope that I don't fall in love with you."_**

McGee cranes his neck to see his partner as a large group of sullen people file into the bar. They light cigarettes and fake laughs. At least they're not alone. The agent looks to the chair next to him, wondering if he should invite Ziva to sit next to him. Maybe they could talk, and laugh, or even cry together. Maybe they could hold hands. He'd make her laugh by getting nervous and stuttering, but at least she'd laugh. At least she'd smile. He feels like Pagliacci, the sad clown in the Italian opera. Vesti La Giubba. Put on the costume. McGee's costume, is of a simple friend to her, but beneath the laughing and smiling makeup, is a sad, lonely man, longing for her touch.

Because, more than anything, he had always thought that maybe, there was a hope. A hope that was always silenced by his past experiences. But, maybe, tonight could be different. Maybe tonight could be a new beginning. Or maybe tonight, McGee would sit alone. Again.

**_"I can see that you are lonesome just like me, and it being late,_**

**_You'd like some some company,_**

**_Well I turn around to look at you, and you look back at me,_**

**_The guy you're with has up and split, the chair next to you's free,_**

**_And I hope that you don't fall in love with me."_**

As he watches her, he notices the how it's not only stress on her face, but loneliness. Maybe that's all they have in common. She looks around like she's nervous, insecure of herself, and even frightened. He glances at his phone, and seeing the time, feels a burning in his chest as he senses an opportunity that could dissipate like the cigarette smoke. It's a desire to go over to her. But, as soon as that thought reenters his head, a man approaches her and begins speaking to her as smoothly as he can. McGee wonders why men are so oblivious sometimes. It's obvious that she is not in the mood to chat. Anyone could see that, but still, the man continues to try to pick her up. McGee, frustrated, looks into his stout, and takes a deep drink. When he looks up from the beer, he notices her eyes are locked on his from the other side of the bar. His heart jumps into his throat, wondering what to do, but simply shows her a faint smile, and nods to her.

The man with her sees that she's not only not interested, but seemingly too depressed to handle conversation with a stranger right now. He realizes his fault, and turns to return to his comrades. McGee eyes the chair beside her as his heart screams at him to fill it and be with her. But maybe that's not what she wants right now. Maybe she doesn't want to see him, he tells himself. It's sad, in a funny way. Or funny, in a sad way. McGee's not too sure which, but either way, it's depressing.

**_"Well the night does funny things inside a man_**

**_These old tom-cat feelings you don't understand,_**

**_Well I turn around to look at you, you light a cigarette,_**

**_I wish I had the guts to bum one, but we've never met,_**

**_And I hope that I don't fall in love with you."_**

The young agent wonders why, at the darkest points of the night, he catches himself thinking about her. Whenever he lays in bed at night, with sleep far from reach, he thinks of her with him. It's not in a 'Tony' sort of sexual way, but simply sharing each other's company. He thinks of how he'd love to take her to the park, or to the beach, or skiing, or anywhere, really. It really doesn't matter in his mind, it just is. They simply are, and in his mind, he's happy. In his fantasy, they, as an 'us', are happy together. But of course, it could never be that way, he tells himself.

To his surprise, she takes from her purse a pack of cigarettes. She removes one from the little box, presses her lips to the filter, and lights it. She calmly exhales the smoke, but it's more like a brooding sigh. He never took her for a smoker, but who could blame her after the week they'd had. And with her wearing her heart on her sleeve as she is, McGee nods in approval. He actually loves the smell of tobacco smoke, as he remembers from his childhood, role models of his smoking cigars on his porch.

He wants to push through the crowd to her, and ask her for one. He'd smoked a few times, when he'd had too much to drink, and now, even though he's only a little buzzed, would love to compromise his health just to be with her. Maybe they could have a smoke together and relax as the nicotine flows through their bodies. But, for some odd reason, he feels that they are strangers at this moment, and that she doesn't want to be interrupted. But he knows, with every passing second, the feelings he's hidden for so long, are getting stronger.

**_"Now it's closing time, the music's fading out_**

**_Last call for drinks, I'll have another stout._**

**_Well I turn around to look at you, you're nowhere to be found,_**

**_I search the place for your lost face, guess I'll have another round"_**

As the sounds of the bar begin to reduce, the young waitress comes over to McGee and informs him that it's last call before closing time. He nods to her for another stout as her eyes twinkle at him and she pushes some hair behind her ear. Though he does notice the blatant flirting, and while he's flattered, there's someone else on his mind. But when he looks up from her, he sees that Ziva is gone. Almost frantically, he sits up in his seat, scanning the room for his friend. He looks to the door, and just catches her as she exits, pushing the oak door open dejectedly. She slowly looks over her shoulder, and he sees in her eyes a look of longing. And then she's gone.

McGee fights all that's within him, then decides that there are certain things that happen in life; opportunities provided that one must grasp. No, it won't guarantee happiness, but perhaps, he can at least tell her how his heart burns. Maybe he can tell her his secrets. At least it would be off his chest. At least he would have tried. What is life without taking a shot, even if it's in the dark.

Quickly he stands, sliding a twenty dollar bill underneath his empty glass, and shrugs on his coat in a hurry. He pushes through the crowd, opening the dark oak double doors and steps out into the snow. He can see that she's just reaching her car. He quickens his pace and sees her tense slightly at his approaching footsteps. She slowly turns and sees who it is. She hastily wipes a tear from her cheek, then crosses her arms over her chest and leans against her car as he reaches her. They both stare into each others' eyes; and slowly and carefully, they both begin to smile. McGee runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head slightly. She nods to him, and he reaches out and pulls her into a tight hug, her head resting against his chest, his cheek on her head. They stand there for a while, thinking to themselves, that maybe, they won't be lonely forever.

**_"And I think that I just fell in love with you."_**


End file.
